Leadership and Insecurity

I don’t know a great way to define a leader, and I haven’t heard a definition that I love yet. At the highest level, a leader is someone who has followers. But even that’s a tricky statement, because sometimes the followers are coerced, and sometimes they follow willingly. A lot of people will say that a leader is someone with charisma, and a few weeks ago I would have believed you (maybe more on that in some other post). A leader could be someone who just does what has to be done, and sometimes the leader is the one who just talks the most.

I’m not saying this statement applies to all leaders, but I would add to that potpourri of traits that a leader is someone who is insecure.

I’m talking about the person who has to be at the front of every group. Or the person who joins the exec boards of half a dozen organizations. This is the person who has to dominate the conversation, and wants to be the center of attention. It’s the person who likes to get the laughs because they’re an affirmation of acceptance.

I saw this firsthand recently, and it annoyed the hell out of me. In a two hour conversation with 15 people, said person would literally contribute every other sentence. When we’d walk to places, said person would always somehow be at front, sometimes even walking backwards and addressing the whole group, as if to “lead” us. But as annoying as it was, said person is a good guy, and I don’t despise him at all. But I sympathize because I think there’s a lot of insecurity behind those actions.

And that’s what I really want to say, insecurity is a surprisingly powerful force behind leadership. Many people are motivated not by passion for a group, or a determination to lead. Rather, they’re motivated by a desire to seek acceptance from their peers, or validate some preconceived notion of success. They’re motivated by a desire to fight their insecurities.

I see it at Northwestern a lot, and the setting has a lot to do with it. The vast majority of the people here are very smart, and that can be intimidating. In a place with so much talent, it’s so easy to feel inadequate or inferior. And so, you have your insecure leaders emerge. By gaining a leadership position, insecure leaders often seek some sort of acknowledgement. Something along the lines off: “See, I belong here, and I’m accomplished, smart, and talented. I’m doing a lot of difficult things here; doesn’t that say something about me?” And often times it works, people acknowledge the position, admire the hard work, and grant respect.

But there’s something twisted about this, if leadership is inspired by wanting to fight insecurities, there’s something wrong. To be sure, an insecure leader can be a good leader. They can get things done, rally an organization, and make positive change.

But I don’t think an insecure leader can ever be a great leader.

This is for two main reasons: weak motivation and thin skin. So the first reason – weak motivation. The fuel of insecurity can be powerful in getting a position, and it can carry you through the beginning and inspire you to do good things. But it’s tough to make that motivation last over the long term. The title of President sometimes just sounds impressive, let’s be honest. Because of that, respect and acceptance often come just by virtue of the position; the importance of job performance is secondary. And if a desire for respect and acceptance are the motivations, there’s no incentive to work hard to do something truly risky, difficult, and great. Maybe there’ll be a little more respect, but nothing close to the amount of extra work that would have to go in. Rather, it’s easier to just do a good job, continue to get that respect, and call it a day. And that’s what a good leader does, but not a great one.

The second reason is that insecure leaders usually have a weak skin. That’s probably somewhat obvious, as the insecurities are more likely to happen to someone with a weaker skin. When it comes time to lead, the weak skin is a huge crutch. Leaders often have to make unpopular and difficult decisions, or play the disciplinarian to make things happen. (I know it sounds good to say “Oh I don’t need to discipline, people work at our company because they want to work there”, but let’s be realistic). Because insecure leaders become leaders to gain acceptance and respect, is it likely that they would make the tough call or play the hardass? Probably not. An insecure leader is unlikely to do what’s unpopular, because that comes at a cost of the short term acceptance, respect, and likeability he sought in the first place. And the unwillingness to do what might be unpopular keeps him from being a great leader.

Ultimately this is an important topic to me, because it’s something I absolutely don’t want to be. And to be honest, I think as early as a year ago I would fit some of the traits I’ve listed above. Even today some of them apply to me. An insecure leader is a leader doing what he does for the wrong reasons, and their potential is accordingly limited. I don’t hold anything against insecure leaders, because I personally can understand some of the motivations.

It’s interesting, and ironic, that some of the leaders around us are actually some of the most insecure among us.

And the great leaders, they have their insecurities too, but that’s not what drives them.